Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
