They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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