I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
