Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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