i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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