I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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