Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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