Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you will always have a special place in my vag
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
