Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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