Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
