And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
