Whod you bang
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
