my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
