yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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