I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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