Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
