Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
