It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
