Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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