Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
