I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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