So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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