dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
