I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
