A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Vodka?
Forever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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