It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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