Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Couch. On fire.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
