You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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