I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
