Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
