she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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