The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
