Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
