I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
