Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to calm my uterus...
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