Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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