Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
