You smell like stripper and shame
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
