I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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