i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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