i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm just crazy horny about you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
