it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
