i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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