Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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