two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
