THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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