Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
