Even the bartender felt bad for me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
