I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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