omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
