How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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