Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
