At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
