I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
