my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well you can't waste a boner
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
